sinderella81 | Crack!Fic!:Brought to you by me and Shannon! (Reply)

Okay, so it is totally a day for crack!!

arianstarrand I totally got into it and wrote this cracktastic fic!!

Title: Crack!Fic!: The One Where Clark Gets a Perm
Author:

cinderella81and

arianstarr
Pairing: Clex
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not ours, don't profit, just like to play!
Summary: The title says it all!
Warnings: Crack ahead!!

Coming down from the high of fucking Clark was something Lex never wanted to become accustomed to. It was a different and exhilarating experience every time, and he wanted it to stay that way. He ran his sweat-dampened fingers through Clark's dark hair before leaning down to tug at the other man's earlobe with his teeth. "You know," he whispered. "You'd look amazing if you let your hair go curly instead of straight."

Clark hummed non-commitally, enjoying the sensation of Lex's breath on his neck.

"You should get a perm."

Green eyes blinked up at him. "What?"

"A perm; so your hair stays curled. Or a wave, whichever one will make your hair look the way it does when you come out of the shower." Lex mimed a curling motion with his free hand as he spoke.

“Are you crazy?” Clark asked, looking up at Lex. A couple of blinks, and the expression on Lex’s face didn’t change. “You’re serious,” Clark said in shock.

“Perfectly serious; do you have any idea how hot you look when you come out of the shower, your hair all curling? Makes me want to jump you,” Lex said with a leer. He leaned down and nibbled on Clark’s ear.

“Yeah, but to get a perm would require me to go to a salon, and sit patiently while someone attacks my hair,” Clark said, a slight whine in his voice. He was trying desperately to get Lex to see reason.

“C’mon Clark, do it for me,” Lex whispered. He bit on Clark’s ear, which elicited a moan and a squirm from Clark. Clark swiftly followed up the moan with a sigh. He figured if he hated it, he could always straighten it. When did he lose the ability to say no to Lex?

Lex grinned against Clark's neck, already knowing he'd won. "I'll book an appointment for you in the morning. At that place on Bennington that Chloe and Lana always rave about."

"No.."

"No?"

"Not Timm with two m's, Lex." He didn't have to see Lex to know exactly what he was thinking and what expression he was currently sporting. "You wouldn't." Lex cleared his throat and went back to sucking the skin just behind Clark's ear.

"Lex!"

"Go to sleep, Clark, it's been a long day."

"Bastard," he muttered under his breath as Lex pulled the sheets up over them and curled against his side.

"I'm a lovable bastard and you know it." Lex was sure that if Clark thought he could have gotten away with it, he would have had a nice singe mark on his scalp for his efforts.

* * *

Clark woke the next morning to an empty bed. He rolled over and found Lex walking out of his closet, wearing the requisite black pants and pale lavender button up shirt.

“Clark, you’re awake. Good; go get dressed. We need to grab a quick bite before we leave. You my dear have an appointment in 45 minutes with Timm,” Lex said with a smirk. He tossed a glance over his shoulder as he left the bedroom, and noticed the shocked look on Clark’s face. Lex smiled as he went downstairs; today was going to be a wonderful day.

Clark sat in the bed for a couple of moments before sighing and heaving himself out of bed. He grabbed some clothes from his closet, dressed quickly, and headed downstairs after Lex.

* * *

Clark tried not to sigh for the tenth time in two minutes as Timm practically danced around his chair. Lois hadn't been that far off the mark when she'd described him as gay, gay, super gay from outer space, gay. The 20 something was currently rolling what had to be the hundredth little pink roller into his hair. He had laughed when Clark asked if he had any in blue. Or black. Or better yet, something transparent.

"Promise to let me know if I pull to hard, okay?"

Clark grunted something that sounded vaguely affirmative.

"You have fantastic hair, you know. So soft and silky! I wish all my clients had hair like yours."

Clark glanced at Timm's reflection in the mirror. Was he hitting on him? Over Timm's shoulder, his eyes found Lex's head near the reception desk. He had what looked like three female staff members hanging on his every word. Clark grimaced, and Timm mistook it for a look of pain and started apologizing. This time, Clark did sigh. It was going to be a long morning.

“Try not to move too much there Clarkbar,” Timm said in a singsong voice. Lex’s eyes caught Clark’s in the mirror, and Lex just smiled. Clark just stared without expression. He couldn’t believe that he was really sitting here, letting Timm do this. He heard Lex laugh at something one of the female staff members had said, and sighed again.

Timm had finally finished putting in all the little pink curlers. Clark hoped that was it, but then he saw Timm approaching with a long strand of cotton.

“What the hell is that for?” Clark asked, eyeing the cotton warily.

“Well I would hate for you to get product in those beautiful emerald eyes, Clarkbar. This is going to keep the chemicals on the hair and out of your eyes,” Timm said with a grin. "Now this might sting a little bit."

Clark closed his eyes and tried to focus on anything but the wet, squishing noise of the chemicals currently assaulting his scalp. He listened to Lex flirt with the receptionist and two stylists out front and despite his mood, his lips quirked upwards when he heard Lex explain he was here with his boyfriend. This, of course, only prompted more questions from the women around him. As Lex started to answer with generic responses that were already public knowledge, Clark smiled again at his lover's protectiveness and extended his hearing out to the busy street in front of the salon.

By the time Clark made it under the hair dryer, which has been propped up on two phone books to accommodate his height, he had started to relax. In spite of the pink curlers in his hair, and the cotton surrounding his hairline, he was actually enjoying himself. Until, of course, three pairs of high heels followed by three sets of shapely legs and curved bodies stopped in front of him. Clark glanced up and paled slightly.

Lois grinned, shark-like, and quirked her eyebrow at him.

“Smallville?” Lois asked, a large grin on her face. Lana and Chloe stood on either side of her, staring at Clark with a mixture of shock and amusement on their faces.

“What?” Clark said loudly, cursing the loudness of the dryer. He desperately wished that a hole would open up right beneath the dryer and swallow him whole.

“What are you doing here?” Chloe asked loudly. Clark could see that she was trying not to laugh. Clark was sure he was a sight to behold. Head covered in curlers, cotton, and plastic under a hair dryer, and a smock over his black t-shirt to keep the chemicals from staining it. Clark could see Lex sitting in the reception area, a smirk on his lips. Clark was trying to communicate with his eyes; he knew Lex knew what he was trying to say, and was just ignoring him. Clark glared at Lex and went back to trying to hear what the girls were saying.

He could focus his hearing pretty well, but when there was a hair dryer blasting directly in his ears, it made things a little harder. Which meant he was definitely playing up that angle. "I'm sorry, guys," he said, a little more loudly than was necessary. "I can't hear you over the hair dryer." His idea promptly backfired as Lois reached past him to turn the machine off.

"What's with the pink, Smallville?"

"Should you be turning that off?"

"Your precious hair will be fine. I'm sure it won't ruin your perm." She couldn't contain her laughter any longer, and Chloe quickly followed suit. Even Lana started to laugh soon after.

"Clark, why are you getting your hair permed?" Chloe finally managed to gasp out.

He opened his mouth to reply but was cut off by Timm's approaching voice. "That dryer needs to stay on for another 20 minutes at least, Cl--" he squealed mid-sentence when he saw who was crowded around Clark. "Girls!" Clark rolled his eyes and reached back to flick the dryer on again, successfully cutting off the sound of Timm, Lana, Lois, and Chloe acting like teenage girls at a pajama party. Flicking his gaze back to Lex, he watched as his boyfriend barely held in his own laughter. Clark shot him a look that clearly said he wasn't getting any tonight if he didn't save him right this instant. The look only served to allow Lex's laughter to escape.

Clark watched the Fearsome Foursome all chatting around a salon chair. He closed his eyes, hoping that he could somehow not hear them all chatting. Every once and a while, one of the girls would make a comment about Clark. Clark did his best to ignore it. He was doing this for Lex. He heard Lois laugh loudly, and opened his eyes. Lois, Lana, and Chloe had retreated to the reception area, and Timm was making his way over to Clark.

“All right Clarkbar. Your time under the dryer is done. Your hearing still intact? Good. Let’s get you to the sink,” Timm said, and led Clark over to one of the sinks at the back of the salon.

* * *

Timm had twisted Clark's chair around to face away from the mirror as he finished. Lex was standing nearby, Lana and Chloe were seated in chairs on either side of him getting their own hair done. Lois was standing at Lex's shoulder, which seemed to be a dangerous place to be judging from the darkening looks Lex was flashing at her every time she opened her mouth. His expression changed, however, the instant Timm moved out of the way and Lex got his first look at Clark.

The curls were soft and loose - not small and tight as he'd initially feared they would be. Clark's hair had grown longish in recent months, but now the tips danced across the top of his ears and brushed the nape of his neck. Lex stood silently for a moment, just drinking in the sight of him. Silent until Lois opened her mouth, that is. It took him a moment to process what she'd said. Lex turned to her, ever so slowly, and Clark knew that motion meant Lex was trying to compose himself. Lois, it seemed, was about to get her ass handed to her.

"I'm sorry, Lois, I didn't quite catch that. Would you care to repeat yourself?" Lex's tone could have made a penguin shiver.

Lois opened her mouth and snapped it shut with a warning glare from Chloe. But when Lex raised an eyebrow expectantly, she broke. "Um... I didn't... Well, it sort of does make him look like--"

"Lois!" Clark cut her off. "Why don't you go sit over by reception, maybe read a magazine; before Lex pulls your hair like a petulant two year old."

Lex gaped at Clark for a moment, and Lois took a step backwards. Lana and Chloe started laughing, and Clark just grinned at his lover. Lois quickly backtracked to the reception area, and Lex continued to gape at Clark. “Clark, I can’t believe you said that,” Lex said with a slight pout.

“I can’t believe you’re pouting,” Clark said, exasperated. It hadn’t exactly been the easiest day, and Lex pouting was the last straw.

“You know, Clark? It looks really good,” Chloe said from her chair. She and Lana stood from their respective chairs, and circled Clark slowly.

“It really suits you Clark,” Lana said with a smile. Clark turned, and saw a large smile erupt on Lex’s face.

Timm slowly turned Clark's chair to face the mirror. Clark took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. They were right. It did suit him. It made his cheekbones seem higher, showed off the line of his jaw, opened up his face, and made his eyes look impossibly large. "Wow," he whispered.

Timm unclipped Clark's smock and pulled it off before moving away, and Chloe and Lana retreated to their own seats. Lex moved to stand behind Clark, resting his hands on his shoulders.

"I look--"

"Yeah, you do."

Clark turned his face upwards. "Lex, thank you."

Lex leaned down to kiss him. "No, thank you, Clark. You look... like an angel."

Grinning, Clark stood and twined his fingers through Lex's. "Come on, let's go home.”